Sometimes, I see web addresses that were not considered carefully enough
If I pick a domain name… I check that it can’t be mis-understood, & add hyphens to remove ambiguity
But some people…
I helped a gentleman setup his new computer…
He said it had been a few years since he last used a computer… so naturally, I assumed a certain level of knowledge.
A few days later, he calls, saying he is have a great amount of difficulty using the mouse and that maybe I incorrectly changed a window setting to cause this…
So I go through some basic troubleshooting:
After a bit of head scratching, & asking him to right-click this & left-click that, he admits that there is no left or right button… just one in the middle…
Hmmm, did he buy an apple mouse by mistake?
No, its a logitek
OK, is the button on the left or right side?
“Its in the middle… & its a bit narrow”
Narrow?
Now the penny drops: He’s been using the scroll wheel as “The” mouse button…
So now I have to explain that the flat surface on either side of the “button” are the actual buttons… push them & they will make a clicking sound… but they don’t
So now its a leverage problem: move your finger further up towards the edge of the mouse & a fit further to the side…
Ah, finally he gets it… he’s totally amazed that the front flat surface of the mouse is actually 2 “secret” buttons that he never knew about!
If it wasn’t so annoying, some of the “informational” messages that you get from an infection are almost comical.
I had one the other day that did its usual fake scan, and then gave some messages that were meant to frighten someone who didn’t know much about computers. Here is a sample:
Now most computer people know that its virtually unheard of that a hard drive rotational speed will increase so much as to actually cause a problem.
Similarly, RAM speed is virtually unchangeable, and even if it did change, the system has checks in place to add/remove extra delays if its running slow/fast.
And then the hard drive rotation speed decrease… it feels like they are contradicting the first statement.
But then, if you don’t know, then the infection just needs to display something that might sound vaguely plausible.
Non technical people (ie most computer users), could believe such statements.
Its like a motor mechanic saying that your engines conrod slide bearings are worn… to me, that could mean anything… but it sounds serious (and expensive).
Yet another funny variation on a common IT technical term.
This time, a customer calls asking for a price on upgrading a motherboard, CPU, and RAM. He also mentions he purchased a hard drive from the net, and would like to know if can use his existing CD drives.
I ask about which are SATA and which are IDE.
After a while, I notice he has stopped saying SATA and has started saying “Santa”…
He was talking about IDe drives and Santa drives.
It was a deliberate decision on his part, and made the discussion really amusing.
In the past, I’ve had people call computer component by funny names (eg. temple, instead of computer tower).
I recently had someone enquire about a new computer, and I was asked to make sure it had the TV and rabbit…
After some pointing and gesturing, I figured he meant the monitor and mouse.
Its funny how the brain works!
I’ve been working in electronics for a long long time. In that time, I’ve seen some funny things and heard some great stories.
Way back when the Tandy (maybe Realistic for Americans) TRS-80 model 1 was really something ( it was a computer), I used to work at the Sydney repair center. At that time there were 3 computer tech’s, including myself. We each had a cubicle where we toiled. One particular day I was working in a different area and was facing the low dividing panel behind which colleague was working… let’s call him Manuel. Manuel was working on an electronic project for home, in his own time of course. I heard a pop, bang, and a sizzling sound. Looking up I saw a cloud of white and grey smoke rising from Manuels area. Slowly, as he stood up, his bald head rose through the smoke with the most quizzical look on his face. He’d done something that didn’t work out too well.
Years later I was working on a 300 watt open frame power supply. Lots of exposed electronic components with nasty high voltages just waiting to bite. I had found a simple fault, replaced a component but not tested much further than that. When I switched the power on, things got really ugly. A large 2 watt carbon resistor decided to turn into a roman candle. It didn’t just burn out and die quickly… it put on 2 minutes of fireworks spitting hot bits of itself left, right and center. The power switch was behind the power supply so I had to reach over it. That was easier said than done with Mount Vesuvius erupting in front of me. It was then that I heard my colleague John laughing his head off. He had seen the whole thing and what was even more embarrassing was that he had heard the stream of expletives I had blurted out. Looking back on it now I can see the amusement value, although I am still really skittish when it comes to working on power supplies or nasty voltages.
At another time I used to work with some Germans at the importer of a very expensive (German, not surprisingly) TV brand. I don’t know whether a tough breed or maybe some of them a little crazy, but one of them told me how back in the FatherLand they had an odd use for the workshop Variac. A Variac is a variable transformer. It is generally used to vary the AC mains voltage up and down to see if that can cause an intermittent electronic device to show its symptom. Apparently it can also be used to test your manhood by seeing how high you will let your mate wind it up. He told me another story concerning techs working on TV’s that had remote control problems. Their colleagues would walk up behind them with a remote control in their pocket and press buttons at random thus sending the ‘malfunctioning’ TV, and the tech working on it, crazy.
At another electronics company I was feeling a little kookie one day. I used to work with an Engineer who had the silly idea to leave his desk unattended while he went to lunch. I couldn’t help myself. I got to work with a roll of clean Sellotape (sticky tape as we call it). I taped his pen to his desk. That was obvious. I taped his drawer shut. That wasn’t. I taped his clear plastic ruler to his desk and that wasn’t so obvious either. But the coup de gras… ah, that was a masterpiece. On the way home, stuck in traffic he fancied a cigarette. You know I taped his cigarette packet up don’t you? The next day he gave me a bit of a serve, but we shared some laughs too.
And you thought computer techo’s were a serious lot.
Its amusing how some customers can get computer terminology so wrong.
An elderly lady rang the other day. She said her computer would sometime just stop working.
I said it could be something like the power supply, or the memory (I avoid using terms like “RAM” and “motherboard”… it confuses many people).
She then said she had spoken to a friend. She said: “He told me that the computer temple was broken”.
I said: “I’m not sure what you mean by temple…”.
Then she says: “Oh I can’t remember exactly what he called it… that black thing under the desk with buttons and lights on it, and a tray at the front”.
Me: “Ohhh, you mean the computer tower! Well, hopefully its something simpler and easier than that”
But at the end of the call, I couldn’t help smiling at how newcomers to computers can sometimes get the terminology so wrong, that its funny.
But then she might have had it right after all: I’m just about to kneel before my own “computer temple” and change the video card…
A few weeks ago, I read a great article on how to make a company mission statement.
Take a look at seo review
Instead of the boring and meaningless one-liners that most companies use, this guy suggested something like a movie trailer.
So, following the cookie-cutter approach, I came up with a “movie trailer” for Computer Aid.
And it was real fun to make (even my wife had a laugh when I read it to her)
Now read this like you’re a movie voice-over guy:
In a town where computers slow down and freeze, one computer repairer comes to the rescue. When Internet connections fizzle and stop and all hope is lost, Computer Aid springs into action, and gets you surfing again. Computer Aid will impress you with their professionalism, experience, competence and efficiency. When things just don’t compute, someone can fix your computer and show you how to tame the internet.
You’ll laugh, when you see how easily they fix your problems. You’ll cry, when you realise you didn’t need to spend days trying to fix computer problems yourself.
Computer Aid: We can help you.
I was tempted to make the last line: Computer Aid: Coming soon to a theater near you!
🙂
I can’t remember where I saw this, but I found it funny:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
the wisdom to know the difference.
Also grant me the ability to love those who are nice;
the strength to strangle those who are annoying;
and the wisdom to know the difference
After having visited many blogs and websites recently, I can see where some people are making mistakes.
If you don’t want your blog to be popular, and don’t care how tasteless it is, then make it private, and only allow your own select group of fans/family to view it… and then ignore the rest of this post.
Otherwise… if you want your blog to be more popular, then don’t do any of the following:
9) Schizo– Blog has a topic, but you don’t stay on topic. OK, I admit it I’m as guilty as most bloggers with this. My computer blog sometimes has posts that have nothing to do with computers. But those posts are in the minority. And I aim to keep it that way. So should you.
8 ) Copycat– copying someone else’s content: also known as shooting yourself in the foot… and then shooting yourself in the other foot :-). You quickly disappear off everyone’s radar, as most search engines will notice and punish appropriately. I only use copyscape to gloat over the poor suckers with too many guns and feet 🙂
7) Annoyingggg – music and/or videos that starts spontaneously. If you like the music, then make your blog private. Few people want to listen to your bad taste. I know few people would be interested in my heavy metal music.
6) Ad overload– too many adverts. Imagine you sit down to watch some TV… you find a show, but it splits the screen into 4 sections: 3 sections show bright, animated adverts, while a quarter of the screen actually displays the TV show. Would you watch the show? Probably not (maybe if its the superbowl, or world-cup soccer, or some other favorite).
5) Imitation – Copying the bigger blogs that make more money than you… This is similar to point 6), except you are trying to make money like the big boys. Remember: only the bigger blogs can get away with too many adverts… to some extent. You might find that by cutting down from 20 ads to 10, visitors are twice as likely to click on the 10 ads. People will only put up with ads if they really love the content (ie your blog is popular)
4) Anybody home? – Not updating your blog. Try to update at least once per week.
3) I wish nobody was home – You feel guilty about not updating your blog every week… but you don’t know what to write about… so you update your blog by apologising for not updating your blog. You know what they say: its better to keep your mouth shut, and have people think you’re an idiot… rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
2) Who am I? – Your blog doesn’t have a clear topic… you just write whatever comes into your head. You might find this hard to believe, but there are thousands of blogs like this out there, and millions of people trying to avoid them. Pick a hobby… anything! If you don’t have a hobby or anything you really feel strongly about, then please close down your blog (You’ll be doing the internet a favour).
1) Slowww– you have so many ads and trinkets (widgets), that your blog take 60 seconds to load. animations, calendars, large pictures. Cut out the clocks, calendars, world maps, FireFax download icons, and anything else that isn’t relevant. Almost nobody wants to know the weather/time in Upper Kumbukta West! Also try a cache plugin like “wp super cache” it can speed up a website significantly.
A new customer calls, saying he is trying to connect to the internet, but the disk is stuck in the drive.
When I get there, he points to the floppy drive and says he put the disk into the drive, but he can’t get it out…
I take a close look into the floppy drive (it has one of those spring-flap doors that keep the drive internals a bit less dusty… I eventually see that there is a small 8cm cd in the drive!
Every time I open the floppy door, it catches onto the bottom of the CD, so that I can’t get a good grip.
I end up delicately applying some brute force… and the CD emerged unscathed 🙂
I then place the CD where it belongs (in the CD drive) and setup a dialup internet connection (after some password problems… the CD software refused to accept passwords shorter than 6 characters, yet the ISP created an account with a 4 letter password…)
I install an antivirus, test the internet, setup and test the email account, and that’s the end of an interesting session of disk wrestling 🙂